The Lion and Witch in Isaac's Wardrobe

I am not sure I’m ready to get married, but I could really use a stylist.  I was picking out an outfit for a job interview a couple of weeks ago and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out which shirts matched which pants.  I kept wondering “does my blue shirt clash with my blue jeans or does it compliment them? Is it possible to clash with blue jeans?  Is it possible to compliment them?  Brett Favre looks good in blue jeans. Maybe I should tell them at the interview that I played in the NFL?”

Until recently all of my life I’ve felt that how I dressed didn’t really matter.  I remember my junior year in high school my mom gave me 50 bucks to go back to school shopping.  She told me I should use the money to go pick out a new outfit. “Mom,” I said “I’m a boy in high school, I don’t wear outfits, I wear t-shirts.”  I ended up just pocketing the money and never going shopping.

But now that I think of it, the boys in high school that did wear outfits got significantly more attention from the ladies.  I think there was a Taylor Swift song about that. How did it go? “He wears outfits I wear t-shirts. He’s always matching and I look like a homeless street preacher.  Dreamin’ bout the day when you wake up and find that the outfit guy was gay the whole time…”  Something like that.

Both in high school and now in college I’ve served on student councils that put on the activities.  And both then and now whenever we have a meeting to plan a dance we first pick out the date, hire a D.J, and reserve the room.  After that is done all of the guys are always “Well, meeting adjourned.”  But the girls are always “Wait! We haven’t decided the most important part!”  What in the world could be more important than hiring the D.J. and reserving the ballroom? We wonder.  “Hello!”  They say as they look at us as if we all have a brain the size of a pea.  “We need to pick a theme so we know how to decorate and know what to wear!”  Girls pick out their outfits based on the theme?  I don’t care whether it’s a 50’s sock hop or an 80’s neon dance or hill-billy hootin’ n’ hollerin’ hay ride I am going to wear the exact same thing to every dance.  I will wear blue jeans with that one shirt that I have that’s nice enough to look like I dressed up a little but cheap enough that if it gets kind of sweaty while I am jumping around it’s not a big deal.  And as far as decorations go we will have dollar store balloons which will be blown up by the person on the committee with the least experience.  Unless that person happens to be me, in which case there will be no decorations.

So to bring this entry full circle, whenever I am asked what I look for in a girl I simply say that my only criteria is that she has to be able to match/accessorize men’s clothing.  I know other people will look for things like compatibility, shared beliefs and attractiveness.  Not me.  In fact I take this so seriously that when I go to pick up a date I usually bring an assortment of men’s clothing with me so I can judge her skills.  “Before we hop in the car I was just wondering if I could get your opinion about how this tie matches this suit jacket.” 

“Why is your trunk full of old clothes?  And why is there a homeless street preacher sitting in the back seat?” 

“Don’t worry about it, just answer the question.”