They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So by that definition I must be the most insane person in the world when it comes to dinner time.
What will happen is around 9:30 (yes I eat dinner at 9:30 or later. College: Where your lifetime of obesity begins) my body will notify me that it is hungry. I will head to the pantry and notice that the only thing I have is a jar of peanut butter and an empty bag of “Apple Dapples.” I will then open the fridge only to find several empty bottles of my roommate’s fruit juice. After failing there I will go to the cupboards and see that I have several jars of Ragu tomato sauce and boxes of spaghetti sticks. I will think “I guess I could make spaghetti.” But then I will remember that I don’t have any pots to cook the spaghetti in. Disappointed I will head back to my room.
But then about 15 minutes later my body will be like “Hello! You still didn’t eat anything!” And I will be like “But body, there wasn’t any food, I checked!” And body will be like “Yea, but that was 15 minutes ago, just imagine how much food could be there now!” And me, thinking with the same rational mind-set of a second grade boy who is trying to get a girl to like him by throwing rocks at her, head back to the kitchen to see what I can find.
After repeating this cycle for about an hour I eventually find myself dipping uncooked spaghetti sticks into Ragu sauce.
It’s no secret that college students skip a lot of meals and when they do eat it’s mainly crap. But there has always been something that has bugged me. Occasionally there will be a nice established adult who will be concerned about the health and nutrition of a college student they know. They will decide that they want to help us out by buying us some food. But what do they buy every single time? RAMEN! RAMEN FREAKIN’ NOODLES! “Wow, why thank you Mrs. Jenkins for giving me the one type of food I can actually afford. That was so nice of you. And an entire box full of it too, wow. What is that like three dollars’ worth of food? How graciously generous of you to supply me with enough sodium to inflict me and my posterity with Type 2 Diabetes.”
I honestly don’t know what they’re thinking when they get that for us. “Oh look here at the bottom of the shelf! It’s Ramen Noodles, Isaac loves Ramen Noodles! He eats them all the time!” I EAT THEM BECAUSE I HAVE TO NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO!
Luckily for me this year there are some girls who live down the hall who enjoy cooking. I kept an eye on them for the first several days until I kind of got a feel for their schedule. That way I can “happen to be walking by” about the time they are starting to eat. “Wow! I just happened to be passing by and I noticed that something smelled absolutely delicious in here! What is that? Tortellini no way! And it looks almost as good as the girls who made it!” (Followed by a huge sincere smile) Two minutes later I walk into my room eating a plateful of tortellini. “Where in the world do you keep getting all of this food?” My roommate asks. In full maturity I respond “Your mom” and then ignore him.
But I think I am kind of starting to like one of the girls of whom I get dinner from. I’m not exactly sure how to get her to like me back. Maybe I’ll just throw some rocks at her.
2 comments:
Haha. Sounds like you got this eating thing down to a T. Although you really should go buy yourself a pan or two. I promise they aren't that expensive :) Love your blog, you're hilarious.
Heh. I lived on Ramen Noodles and Cool Ranch Doritos for the bulk of my late teens/very early 20s. Occasionally, I'd go all-out and buy some frozen chicken nuggets when I wanted to experience fine dining.
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